@shutupmikeginn: my favorite animals at the zoo are just the random birds walking around like they belong. Go home pigeon, this is fancy bird town
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@Brianhopecomedy: How my 7 year old plays board games: Rolls a 6. Counts to 6. Moves his piece wherever he wants.
@PanicRestroom: Before records were invented, people used to say: u sound like an opera singer that keeps repeating himself
@MUMSIEesq: ME: My husband has a cold do you have those euthanasia pills? PHARMACIST: I think you mean echinacea pills haha ME: No.