@shutupmikeginn: my favorite animals at the zoo are just the random birds walking around like they belong. Go home pigeon, this is fancy bird town
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@UGotMeRight: The wife convinced me into taking her to Hawaii if she lost 20 pounds. You'd be surprised how many M&M's someone can swallow in their sleep.
@notacroc: [spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is taco ME: four please JUDGE: we're not- ME: with chips JUDGE: ordering ME: *lips on mic* extra guac