@shutupmikeginn: my favorite animals at the zoo are just the random birds walking around like they belong. Go home pigeon, this is fancy bird town
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@MandiAtRandom: Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth...and drink all the vodka inside. It seems to help
@Darlainky: [liquor store] Him: Did you see a cat in here? I know I just heard purring. Me: *looking at huge boxed wine selection* Him: Oh, it's you.