@fart: "my favorite bon jovi song? oh its definitely the one where it sounds like a computer is trying to talk while burping"
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@sbellelauren: the craziest thing about today's story where a bear attacked a 12 year old girl jogging in her neighborhood is WHY IS A 12 YEAR OLD JOGGING
@Bagyants: MSNBC: Racist gets what he deserves! FOX: What's next, thought crimes? CNN: If you stare at your hand for a long time it will look weird
@EtobicokeErnie: Statistics show that married men live a lot longer than single men. However married men are a lot more willing to die.
@KenJennings: I can't believe "still uses Winamp" is a pre-existing condition now. This feels personal.