@fart: "my favorite bon jovi song? oh its definitely the one where it sounds like a computer is trying to talk while burping"
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@thejessigirl45: Does anyone else bring a bag of clever disguises to the grocery store in case there's a wine sampling booth that day?
@Tierno158: I invented a game where people get so stoned they can barely walk & chase each other around the yard. It's called...wait for it: Hash Tag.
@ElgatoEsmio: We met for coffee yada yada yada next thing I know we're in the back of my car covered in lobsters and her dog is driving us to the ER
@WhaJoTalkinBout: [text] Hub: I have to go to the doctor. Me: Is it your eyes? Hub: Yes! Me: Is your vision blurry? Hub: Yes!! Me: You're wearing my contacts.