@Black__Elvis: My favorite episode of Friends is the one where blacks mysteriously vanish and unemployed white people find affordable housing in Manhattan.
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@Jeffwni: Wife: There's a spider in the kids' bedroom Me: I'll take care of it *raises spider like one of my own* *has a little cry when it graduates*
@envydatropic: They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that's why I surround myself with lazy people
@Fred_Delicious: [goes to museum of fine art] "Just how fine can this art be, anyway" [sees a vase in a thong] "oh damn"