@Black__Elvis: My favorite episode of Friends is the one where blacks mysteriously vanish and unemployed white people find affordable housing in Manhattan.
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@Fredzipfel: Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It's not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
@freypalm: Cowboy: Wake up Lou—somethin's spookin' the horses. [outside] Horse: [shining flashlight in face] But this "Apple Store"… HAD NO APPLES.
@KentWGraham: If I ever run out of food, I can survive for 3 or 4 days on the stuff stuck to the walls of my microwave.