@LibyaLiberty: My favorite exchange on Twitter today.
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@daemonic3: My kid asked for help with her report but if I did it for her she won't learn! So I showed how to google, change name, & print on her own.
@bornmiserable: ME: [on my deathbed] this is pretty nice MATTRESS STORE SALESMAN: sir, you can't die here
@bornmiserable: Always the bridesmaid, never the winner of the office costume party because I keep going as a bridesmaid
@GoddessTitty: Going to get a facial today... this guy on Craigslist is offering a way lower price than the salon!