@IamEnidColeslaw: my favorite game is called "Secret Family." I go to the movies & sit near a group of strangers & pretend they love me
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@LackOfShame: [their last appetizer] Her: I don't want it. You have it. Him: I don't want it either, you... Me: *reaches onto their table and takes it
@AGreaterMonster: I feel bad I punched that guy, but he shouldn't get so close to my punching bag. I should stop leaving my punching bag by my office door.
@Darlainky: *picking up coins off the dance floor* I knew I should have emptied my fanny pack before twerking.