@jonnysun: my favorite hobby is reading a book by a fireplace in a cabin in the woods. in other words, my favorite hobby is being threatening to trees
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@robdelaney: Woman at drive-thru just called me "honey." Headed home to tell my wife to take a god damn hike.
@SortaBad: [god designing humans] Angel: there was a mix-up at the factory. The intestines are way too long God: *stuffing em all in there* I got this
@Fickle_Filly: Lies I tell at work: ~ I'm sorry I said that ~ I didn't mean to offend you ~ It won't happen again ~ Of course I don't think you're an idiot