@jonnysun: my favorite hobby is reading a book by a fireplace in a cabin in the woods. in other words, my favorite hobby is being threatening to trees
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@murrman5: I sniffed my work shirt to see if it was too dirty. Unfortunately I work at a chloroform factory and woke up 6 hours late for my shift
@Amrrwise: Dear spouse: When I said I needed more physical contact, I was not aiming for you to high five me whenever I walk by...
@envydatropic: They say diffusing essential oils can help relieve stress.........THEY DON'T TELL YOU THAT YOU GET STRESSED OUT FIGURING OUT WHAT ONES!