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@InkedUpKidder: My favorite Jobs:
@mishakey: You know those disgusting people who lick their fingers instead of using a napkin in public? Hi.
@batkaren: "Every dog has his day," they used to say. Still, no one was quite prepared that morning Emperor Mister Pickles marched his army into town.
@SuperJuanderer: [cats on a date in a fancy restaurant]
Male: I can't decide if I want tuna or the salmon.
Female: *Slowly pushes pepper shaker off table
@hazelmotes1: Wife: wow, we must have had a lot of trick or treaters come by!
Her: Because all the candy is gone
Me: Ooooh right. So many.
@awescar: I haven't swam competitively since I was a sperm.