@Bearslietoo: My favorite part about being an adult is that my pillow fort now has a mini bar.
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@FrogAvalanche: *National Spelling Bee Final - Spell cyclops. - Use in a sentence. - Cyclops have one eye. *winks at audience - C-E-Y-E-C-L-O-P-S.
@TheToddWilliams: "Nothing is certain, except death and taxis." Don't you mean "ta-- *gets run over by a cab*
@TitaniumToplass: *casually walks into a crowded Sushi Restaurant wearing a dolphin costume* *suddenly stops, looks horrified, & backs slowly out the door*
@yenniwhite: "Don't play with your food," I say to a toddler eating crackers shaped like farm animals.