@Rollmaninoz: my favorite part about fruit is when I run it under water for 3 seconds to convince myself it’s no longer covered in carcinogenic pesticides
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Michael_Erhart: [First date] Me: "So, what do you do?" Date: "I'm a librarian." Me: "Oh, my bad." *Whispers for the entire rest of the date*
@Hebafouad21: In our wedding, I'll invite his ex and be like "Still believe you can get him back?"
@lovejulieacafe: I just opened an email from the vet wishing my dog a happy birthday. I replied asking them to call her because she can't read.