@notalogin: My favorite part of a date is the sweet, seedy flesh. Wait, sorry, that's my favorite part of a fig, I always get figs and dates mixed up.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@lazerdoov: Girlfriend: hey babe you wanna get breakfast and go for a run? (Cut to me with a mouth full of Doritos) Me: I have shin splints
@jngraphs: *Writes a song for you* *Sings it under your bedroom window* *You call the cops* *Your husband falls in love with me*
@augustusglooopp: Everyone type it with me: A lot is two words. A lot is two words. A lot is two words. A lot is two words. Good. Tomorrow: Irregardless.