@notalogin: My favorite part of a date is the sweet, seedy flesh. Wait, sorry, that's my favorite part of a fig, I always get figs and dates mixed up.
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@13spencer: Me: *pets dog* Dog: Ruff Me: *pets dog* Dog: Ruff Me: *pets dog* Dog: Dude, I said your hands are ruff; can't you moisturize?
@pakalupapito: sleeping is nice because ur not actually dead and ur not awake so its a win-win situation
@novicefather: I DO help with the laundry. My wife just doesn't understand. I wear the same jeans for like two weeks straight.