@CulturedRuffian: My favorite part of riding an elevator is staring at my phone while avoiding eye contact with the person I just tried to close the doors on.
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@sabre_squirrel: *saves dandruff for 7 years to throw as confetti at friends wedding that i never really liked*
@HabeasDorkis: I don't wear sunglasses because it's unfair that a photon travels 93 million miles and then when it's an inch from my eye I'm all "um, no."
@julieklausner: I like the word funfetti because it takes confetti, which is used in somber occasions, like funerals, and it repurposes it for fun