@NYC_Blonde: My favorite part of The Bachelor is when a crazy emotional girl starts crying and he'd rather kiss her snot-nosed face than listen to her.
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@Underchilde: My parents are in town and said they’d be at my house in ten minutes, and I’m wondering if that’s enough time to build a moat.
@nolifecoach: To the woman with the screaming kids in Walmart: If you're wondering how the condoms got in your cart....You're welcome
@Marlebean: My favorite way to mop the bathroom floor is to give the kids a bath. The walls, too. Yup, and ceiling.
@AsgardianRose: The hardest part of being Darth Vader is never being able to sneak up on anyone because your theme music started playing.