@noog: My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn't act the way he wanted.
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@envydatropic: Some people make mountains out of mole hills, some people make a competition out of crazy
@davedittell: we need a cold and annoying genius type, who should we cast? [Benedict Cumberbatch claws at the office window] hmmm who to cast? [he meows]
@gitson_shiggles: Me: "I love you so much. I bought you this beautiful rare green rose." GF: "That's a cabbage....." Me: "YOU ARE SOOOO UNGRATEFUL, DIANE."