@RexHuppke: My favorite part of the Bible is where Jesus gives money to the rich, tells the poor to suck it up and asks for Caesar's birth certificate.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@doktorj: Adult me is pretty pissed that you can't learn to dance perfectly in the span of an 80's montage.
@Scdavis24: Alcohol doesn't make you fat... it makes you Lean... on tables, chairs & random ugly people...or sometimes floors
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "Ian is coming over." Me: "Ian from work or Ian who is good at disguises?" Wife: "Ian- *pulls off mask* -who is good at disguises!"
@SuperRandomish: Autocorrect changed "baby rattle" to "baby battle" and now I'm googling where to buy tiny weapons.