@RexHuppke: My favorite part of the Bible is where Jesus gives money to the rich, tells the poor to suck it up and asks for Caesar's birth certificate.
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@GrantTanaka: If a cop yells at you to GET DOWN just start twerking cause damn, dude, be more specific
@DjJazzyJeffro: A guy at the bar asked me to pass him the salt and pepper, so I punched him in the face and yelled, GET YOUR OWN DISTINGUISHED HAIR JERK!
@Vodkantots: If he doesn't return your texts, it's because he's busy leaving his wife for you. Obviously.
@MummaCrazy: I'm just gonna go ahead and change my boys names to "Stop making that stupid noise" and "Where are your shoes?".