@RexHuppke: My favorite part of the Bible is where Jesus gives money to the rich, tells the poor to suck it up and asks for Caesar's birth certificate.
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@MichaelTrying: Experts are suggesting you wait until 8th grade to buy your kid a cell phone but I didn't even have kids back then.
@GrantTanaka: Hi 911, I’d like to report a drunk naked guy blasting off truck nuts w/ a shotgun. Time of incident? [takes drink] In about 20 minutes lol