@k_lli: My favorite part of the holiday party is getting to meet my coworkers' dates & find out who chooses to put up with these people for free.
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@ArfMeasures: HER: You've run over my dog ME: I'm so sorry HER: You're gonna have to replace him ME: [imagines finally being called a good boy] yes please
@kamtweeting: There are hospitals for the criminally insane. And then there are parliaments for the insanely criminal.
@BambamVictoria: My boyfriend said to surprise him for his birthday so I moved all my stuff into his house while he was at work.
@iTomFoolery: Tatum is Latin for potato. Channing is from ancient times when someone brilliant was “The Chan”. So Channing Tatum is a brilliant potato.