@GrandadJFreeman: My favorite part of The Lion King is the part where Nicki Minaj held up baby Simba.
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@CodyJP9412: COP: Do u know why I pulled u over? ME: *looks at the penguin in my passenger seat* God damnit Ralph I told u to put ur seatbelt on.
@Megatronic13: Like The Shawshank Redemption except it’s just me at work chiseling a tunnel behind the “hang in there” cat poster for a more direct route to the vending machine.
@TheTweetOfGod: Man shall not live on bread alone. Yet it is easy to forget this at restaurants and end up full before the appetizer.
@MandiAtRandom: I feel like something is missing from my life and I don't know if it's a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.