@GrandadJFreeman: My favorite part of The Lion King is the part where Nicki Minaj held up baby Simba.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Kim Kardashian's birthday is today AND she got engaged to Kanye West! It's almost like it was made for TV! Wait....
@ericsshadow: [first date] HIM: Can I call you sometime? HER: [slowly slides napkin over phone] You can't... I lost my phone
@Sarcasticsapien: I like how when you pull down on a paper towel dispenser you either get half a paper towel or half the roll.