@robfee: My shower has two settings: -Freezing Cold -The Ending of Terminator 2

@dumbbeezie: Naked and Afraid but it's just you in someone else's bathroom with a toilet that won't flush

@ReeseButCallMeV: Mean while, back on Facebook, Jennifer is blaming the birth of her son for her being fat. Her son is 6 ....

@Sophie2078: I spilled coffee over my keyboard, so I spent all day asking letters from my employees. "Give me a "g" "Give me an "h" They hate me now.

@chuuew: [forest] ME: Gotta be quiet if we're gonna catch Bigfoot FRIEND: We want Bigfoot not Bigear! ME: Haha BIGEAR: [sobs quietly in the distance]