@Donna_McCoy: My favorite part of Zumba is mortgaging my house to pay the chiropractor.
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@SaraMansford: *Maintains eye contact with the soccer mom feeding her kid organic kale chips while giving my kid a snickers bar.
@myles_morrison: I can tell everything I need to know about a person by how they cut their sandwich. Diagonal = normal Straight = serial killer No cut = dad
@TheTweetOfGod: The odds of Jesus coming a second time are about the same as those of ANY man coming a second time. #amirightladies
@zorgod: I fear one day my gf will figure out every romantic thing I say to her is a line from Brokeback Mountain.