@Manda_like_wine:

@Mom_Overboard: Employment Agency: We got you an interview with a cable company, doing installation. Me: *shows up to interview 3 hours late* Interviewer: Oh my God... You're hired.

@Ideal_Victoria: I replace all the family pictures my coworkers have on their desks with pictures of baby sloths and suddenly I need professional help?!?

@Vodkantots: If your boyfriend doesn't buy you chocolates today, it's probably because he thinks you're fat.

@caseytduncan: When I'm nervous, I like to picture everyone naked. Then, I picture them fully clothed, with items of my choosing. It's a very complex and fashionable coping mechanism.