@Donna_McCoy: My favorite part of Zumba is mortgaging my house to pay the chiropractor.
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@jwoodham: Tell the Starbucks barista that your name is Voldemort. Watch for those who don't flinch when the name is called. They will be your allies.
@Beesthegame: [Pulled over] Sir do you know how fast you were going? MY DOG IS IN LABOR! Oh! In that case *scribbles* Here is a ticket for littering.
@TheGoodGodAbove: The only way Congress will ever pass common sense gun control is if they're threatened at gunpoint
@TechnicallyRon: Aliens: "Take us to your leader" "No" "What" "Look we've made some mistakes" "Just take..." "It's been a weird year, half of us are morons"