@Sarcasticsapien: My favorite parts of the Bible are when Jesus is alone talking to God (himself) and someone who wasn't there is writing about it.
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@pleatedjeans: [talks about how badass wolves are for 20 mins] date: can we talk about something else? [pulls out powerpoint on why wolves are badass] No
@gerryhallcomedy: Cop: Sir, you can't use hand-held communication devices while driving Me: [trying to hide ouija board] What are you talking about?
@SortaBad: Executive: What should we name the mutant with neato magnetic powers? Me: [clearly joking] How about Mag-Neato? Exec: damn that's so good
@phxguy88: The new Samsung phone shares every picture you take with all your friends as soon as you take it. Good idea. What could possibly go wrong?