@Sarcasticsapien: My favorite parts of the Bible are when Jesus is alone talking to God (himself) and someone who wasn't there is writing about it.
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@QuietPsycho: Advice from a 6 year old patient: "You should wear your stethoscope everywhere...girls will really like you. You look smart"
@chris_isloi: Whenever two people argue over something, yell out "OBJECTION" and then contradict the one wearing something you don't like.
@CelebrityChez: Day one of my soup cleanse: Feeling great! Day two: I have robbed a Burger King and killed a zebra.
@cluedont: Why does my wife always wait until I'm at the opposite end of the house before asking me to 'Merm frner mernferr brnerfer!'?