@Sarcasticsapien: My favorite parts of the Bible are when Jesus is alone talking to God (himself) and someone who wasn't there is writing about it.
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@numbertze: I eat my pizza with a knife and fork because I am from a big family, and you need weapons to protect your food at all times
@JazzJazzybc: I always said I'd never chase after a man, but the older I get, I seriously consider power-walking after one.
@_ironworx_: Stop tweeting MORNING WOOD jokes! You get followed by timber accounts and woodpeckers. Unless you’re building an Ark. In that case carry on