@joeyhuggles: My favorite response to someone asking how something works... "Magic" even when I do know how it works. Because Lazy
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@leshnevsky: Me: - Sweetie, why is the bottle of whiskey half empty? Wife: - Because you're a pessimist, honey!
@WilliamAder: If my wife ever hired a private detective to follow me, it would be to get pictures of me not using the coupons I said I used.