@Mouthy_: My favorite sport is jumping into conclusions
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@horsedetective: Horse detective stood in the rain and looked out to sea. He thought about justice and fate. He thought about her. He thought about apples.
@DrDogMD: DR DOG: The vasectomy was a success. But until it's healed completely, you'll need to wear this *places cone around patient's neck*
@qwertying: Airport Security: has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge, sir? Sir: How the hell am I supposed to answer that?
@dave_cactus: God grant me the FOOD to sustain my body, the LAUNDRY DETERGENT to wash the stains from my clothes, and the WISDOM to know the difference.