@TheCatWhisprer: My favorite thing about all the people waiting in line for the new iPhones is for those hours the rest of the world is a better place.
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@13spencer: Have you guys seen that great television show, "Candy Crush Saga With The Sound From Another Television Show Playing In The Background?"
@OrdinaryAlso: *drops ice cube* *leaves it* *steps on small puddle later while wearing socks* I deserve this.
@JWilsonGA: Wife: I'm making breakfast for dinner tonight. What do you want? Me: Bacon. Wife: And? Me: *blank stare* Wife: AND? Me: A napkin?
@daemonic3: Her: *puts cherry stem in mouth *pulls it out with a knot *winks Him: *puts earbuds in pocket *pulls it out with 5 knots *doesn't get laid