@TheCatWhisprer: My favorite thing about all the people waiting in line for the new iPhones is for those hours the rest of the world is a better place.
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@Beerhaze: My oldest is 14 today. Daddy's baby is growing up. Soon she'll start looking for boyfriends and find them all dead under the floor boards.
@DominicStraw: Your password doesn't remember you either. He moved on. He's someone else's password now.
@enigmaticmess: Him: Have you ever been so drunk that you... Me: Yes Him: But I didn't finish... Me: The answer is yes
@hippieswordfish: 'welcome to subway how can i-' ME:*punches counter*WHY DOES THE KOOL-AID MAN CARRY A SMALLER PITCHER OF KOOL-AID 'sir-' M: IS IT HIS PISS