@OhNoSheTwitnt: My favorite thing about babies is that none of them are mine.
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@zachreinert03: Did you guys know on average 3 confused cannibals get punched in the face a year because they say yes to wanting a knuckle sandwich
@ramenfuneral: that awkward moment when you stub your toe and accidentally summon the spirits of a thousand dead feet while you yell and curse
@fa_que2: You know the meeting has gone completely downhill when someone suggests sacrificing a chicken.