@OhNoSheTwitnt: My favorite thing about babies is that none of them are mine.
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@iwearaonesie: Anytime someone loses something in the office HR doesn't ask if anyone's seen it, they just send out an email that says "Give it back Josh"
@hipstermermaid: I just want a time machine so I can show up at the Salem witch trials with an iPad.
@3sunzzz: The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.