@Swain_Train47: My favorite thing to do in cities is walk down busy sidewalks, pass by people, and say into my phone "Target is on the move.”
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@LurkAtHomeMom: Wow, you forget to buy beer a few days in a row and suddenly your husband is offering to do the grocery shopping, my plan is working, guys.
@Amusitr0n: [Stonehenge] *Synth bass line* *hooded figure pops out* "Thiiiiis is hooww we Druuuiiid" *other hooded figures pop out* "It's Friday night"
@daemonic3: Kids today are too obsessed with their phones to care about the "free candy" on my van. *crosses off "candy" and writes "wi-fi"
@laurenmacdonald: I use the phrase "when I win the lottery" a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets.