@ajax06: My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn't believe in reincarnation either".
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@TheWeirdWorld: With a dog, you have a glimpse into parenting. With a cat, you have a glimpse into marriage.
@stevevsninjas: [driving date home] me: where do I drop you off? her: here is fine me: you live on the beach? her: *walks into sea*
@weinerdog4life: I scream, you scream, my puppet screams, my other puppet screams, the waiter screams, this is the worst first date ever