@ajax06: My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn't believe in reincarnation either".
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@ericsshadow: ME: these gummy bears are delicious WIFE: those are daily vitamins ME: *holding the couch over my head with one arm* I can't find the remote
@AGreaterMonster: So the Macarena turns out to be about a girl double-teaming her boyfriend's friends. Now we know the lyrics were crowd-sourced from Twitter.
@LackOfShame: Brain: What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on? Do the math! Me: Seriously?! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow