@_Aynne_: My favorite thing to say when a man offers me a drink is, "Of course I'll have another...I AM drinking for two, after all!"
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@AmishPornStar1: My wife's yoga class is really relaxing... 'Cuz she's usually gone for at least two hours.
@omgthatspunny: Do you know why the Little Mermaid wears seashells? Because A and B shells were too small
@alicewhitey: Just saw a cyclist put his hand out to indicate he was turning left when a lone pedestrian high fived him. I feel so good right now.
@Lowenaffchen: *affixes a second leash to a hot babes dog while shes tying her shoe* would you look at that. we have the exact same dog. this is incredible