@theshamingofjay: My favorite yoga pose is "try to cut the toenail"
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@caseytduncan: People say I'm a bad person, but they're just jealous that they can't kick pigeons as far as I can.
@foodfacenow: At his funeral. I lay my hand on your shoulder. I apply pressure, gently, in an attempt to move you from in front of the snack table.
@BGH70: "Which one is you?" - My favorite response when someone shows me a selfie with other people in it.
@AmberTozer: Girl: Gonna keep having sex with this guy until he changes for me Guy: Can't believe she keeps having sex w/me I better not change a thing