@salamingia: My favourite gymnastics move is the double cheeseburger.
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@Aspersioncast: We should call them Whether Men, because they don't know whether or not it's going to rain, get it? That's a good one.
@ibid78: "Your résume says you spent 4 years in England. What were you doing?" *flashback to me trying to find the actual Hogwarts* "Grad school."
@Reverend_Scott: WAITER: Can I take your order? CUSTOMER: I don't know, can you? WAITER: ...Dad? CUSTOMER: ...son? [they embrace, finally reunited] DAD: But seriously, say 'May I take your order', you're embarrassing yourself