@sexncake: My favourite mythical creature is the happy woman in the tampon adverts
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@JediGigi: Robber: Give me your valuables Me: *hands him piece of paper* Robber: What's this? Me: My Netflix password.
@withanewname: The last time I danced at a party, someone told me I looked like a wildebeest on a frozen lake.
@Playing_Dad: [At crime scene] Detective: You need to take this seriously Me: I am *picks up leg bone* Me: I found this humerus. Lol. D: You're fired.