@nonsensetwit: My fear of spiders happened when I went to hit one with a newspaper, and it looked at me and did pushups saying "try again bro."
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@AHundredElbows: Border Patrol never did chase down that illegal baby food smuggler from Mexico. I heard he was so fast they nicknamed him Formula Juan.
@Marcisgoinham: Some nights I stare at the stars wondering if you can see the same ones Then I realize, of course you can, I'm in your backyard
@scorpicpanda: I only watch French tv shows so my dogs think I'm more cultured than I actually am.
@jergarl: OMG I love you You're the best You left me Did you bring me stuff OMG Anything I don't care Where have you been I smell someone else -Dogs