@1followernodad: My FedEx guy knocks on the door like his son is dying and I'm the town doctor.
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@MourningGlory_: My 22-year-old cousin: My biggest fear in life is that I won't make a difference, that I'll be insignificant. Me: It's really not that bad
@bobvulfov: [car dealership] WIFE: let me do the talking, ur a terrible negotiator SALESMAN: u can drive off with this car for 18k ME: we'll double that
@novicefather: My 3yo just told me that he loves to make babies and I don't know what it means but I'm terrified.
@Home_Halfway: [Starbucks meeting] ME: Sorry I'm "latte" haha BOSS: Aren't you the guy we fired for biting a customer