@4SLars: My financial advisor recommended I join a doomsday cult.
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@thewordy: boys love mysterious girls so don't be afraid to show up to dates with a shovel and a smear of fresh blood on your collar
@oakhillbargrill: If you are trading Cephalopods, it's important that you exchange those that are of equal size and value. You know.... Squid Pro Quo
@mynameisntdave: ME: [riding a horse on a carousel] weeeeee! AIRLINE SECURITY: [into radio] god dammit, he's back and he brought a horse with him this time