@raminnazer: My first child will be named New Folder.
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@BorowitzReport: Romney: "I have nothing but respect for women. I'm good friends with the owners of some."
@awescar: *rips finished page from adult coloring book* *puts it on daughter's toy kitchen fridge*
@dafloydsta: [first date] ME: I'm having a great time HER: I'm not ME: *peeking out from my pillow fort* I don't even let my dog in here, Janet
@harikondabolu: Indian Brothers & Sisters: You know all those awful things Columbus did to the Native Americans? Just remember...HE WAS LOOKING FOR US