@shutupmikeginn: [my first cutaway on The Bachelorette] I can eat more roses than any of these guys
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@somecleverthing: Plagiarism is bad? Change a few words, that shit is yours. It's like when you change a baby's clothes- new baby. New baby that's yours now.
@SteelCityDawn: Bought $200 sunglasses. Lost them in 15 minutes. Bought Walmart sunglasses. Had them for 238 years.
@MandiAtRandom: Forgot to do laundry again. I bet everyone at work is going to love my prom dress.
@CompChristopher: If there is a zombie apocalypse I hope that they are thriller zombies because they're fabulous dancers