@1easyedog: My first language is typo.
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@SortaBadass: Naming your daughter after a luxury car or precious gemstone is a wager with the universe that your parenting can make her not be a stripper
@bestvibess: Black Friday through the years: 2005: 5am 2010: 3am 2012: 12am 2013: Thursday 8pm 2014: Thursday 2020: 4th of July
@juliussharpe: I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn't stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.
@ojedge: [feeding baby Malaysian food] "Here comes the plane" *makes plane noises* *spoon just disappears*