@joeljeffrey: My first workout back at the gym was great... I did 15 mins of cardio, 10 mins on the defibrillator, and then 3 days in the hospital.
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@HarryRamble: I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
@jenniferfralic: The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
@tillygirl3: All the Pringle ladies All the Pringle ladies All the Pringle ladies All the Pringle ladies Get their hands stuck
@horselythighs: Elijah Wood and Toby Mcguire: whoever dies first gets played by the other in the biopic