@joeljeffrey: My first workout back at the gym was great... I did 15 mins of cardio, 10 mins on the defibrillator, and then 3 days in the hospital.
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@DadandBuried: 5yo: I want a snack. M: You can have a yogurt smoothie. 5: I NEED CHOICES! M: Ok. You can have a yogurt smoothie or you can have nothing.
@weinerdog4life: No time to explain, I need 300 copies of this cat! *throws cat at Kinko's employee
@lifecoachfit: It takes a village to raise a child so I dropped the kids off at my neighbors house with a note: "your turn"
@ProfessorKumi: "Smoking breaks" at work should be deducted from annually leave. We all have addictions, you don't see me leave a meeting to fry plantain