@Petote: My fish makes so much noise during the night that I wake up six times a night to ask him if we are fighting
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@belleykell: It takes me roughly 7 secs into an episode of House Hunters to discover that my pure hatred of strangers still exists
@iwearaonesie: 9: The remote isn't working me: Did you smack it? 9: Yep me: Did you push the button down really hard? 9: Yep me: Well I'm out of ideas
@CaptainObtuse: Just printed out 50 copies of today's weather forecast to carry around with me today because I'm just not in the mood for small talk.