@Petote: My fish makes so much noise during the night that I wake up six times a night to ask him if we are fighting
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Donnie_Fairburn: [On a treadmill next to a girl at the gym] Me: *Out of breath* Feeling the burn? Her: Yup Me: Me too! Her: How? Your machine isn't even on
@SumbodyShootMe: My daughter said she was in a memoir. I was intrigued until I realized what she said was meme war. Whatever tickles your fancy, Love.
@_SingleBabyMama: A watched pot never boils. The same is also true if you forget to turn the burner on apparently.
@cbdoubleu: Hulk Hogan: I struggled to overcome manic-depression. Me [as his therapist]: So you could say you had to wrestle mania? *gets leg dropped*