@Petote: My fish makes so much noise during the night that I wake up six times a night to ask him if we are fighting
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@GlumGeorgeLucas: "The Force Awakens" had 0 people riding giant CGI lizards. How is that even science fiction? They might as well rename it "Downton Abbey."
@_NTFG_: I'm not ashamed to say that when I saw everyone was getting these new "selfie sticks" for Xmas I thought it was some new fantastic deodorant
@internetluke: Boy, I hate small talk. *coworkers all grimace* He's right behind me isn't he? *Small talk starts cracking his knuckles*
@Sanbel11: Do you know that horrible feeling of guilt when you eat all your kids candy? Me neither.