@TheSharona06: My Fitbit was delivered today. It's still sitting in the mailbox because I don't want to walk all the way out there.
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@LeanneMacco: Any governments / terrorist groups looking to rule by fear should get some tips from spiders.
@Fred_Delicious: [2 dogs eating dinner] "u know Sharon, that life insurance policy u found me is great" [stops chewing] "why does this taste like chocolate"
@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
@Try2StopME: Most people in horror movies would still be alive, if only those idiots had listened to the audience.