@Phook75: My five year old asked me to hold her cupcake and I think we all know how that went
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@ThisAlexStein: In order to save money I installed a sound chip into my wallet. Now when it opens it plays a song by Creed so I quickly have to close it.
@Tommytoughstuff: ME: Do you believe in ghosts? WIFE: Yes. ME: A ghost just spent $600 on a new home surround sound system.
@GensPlace: When an old lady dies and then her husband dies a couple of weeks later, it isn't because his heart is broken. It's because he can't cook.