@AndyAsAdjective: My fly was down the entire day & I didn't notice. So I'm taking him out for drinks after work. Hopefully that'll help cheer him up a bit.
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@iwearaonesie: Apparently when your wife asks you to get your toddler off your bed she doesn't mean knock him off with a pillow
@juliussharpe: If a non-profit accidentally makes a profit they must be like, "Guys we totally suck at losing money."
@JermHimselfish: I need to hire someone to follow me around and abruptly drag a needle across a record every time that I enter a room.
@withanewname: Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg out, Put -spider hokey pokey