@SteevUmc: My fortune cookie just says Hahahaha. Is that good?
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@daemonic3: [interview] So what makes you qualified to be an x-ray technician? Superman: Are you being serious right now?
@NoticablyBacon: Instead of a condom i keep a moist towelette in my wallet because i run into buffalo wings alot more often than sex
@Karissajem: Husband just asked if I was too drunk to cook dinner. Ha! Does he think I'm some sort of amateur? *googles how to cover up burnt eyebrows*