@JohnHilsen: My "friend" Adam gave me an electric toothbrush for my birthday. Completely unnecessary. My gas-powered toothbrush still runs fine, "Adam."
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@ThisOneSayz: Clearly something went amiss when I said I liked an animal in the bedroom and he showed up with a raccoon.
@jeffswarens: After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
@AGreaterMonster: I'm going to swallow a jack-in-the-box so that when they do an autopsy—BOING, surprise!