@Ristolable: My friend and I were talking about food and he said "I'm not a big Chinese guy" and I was like "I know you're not"
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@jabbins: Left my car for maybe 15 minutes in front of the dorms and I come back to this. College man
@topaz006: *drives up to liquor store door, honks horn *wine jumps off shelf, hops into my car *speeds off
@martyntanton: My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."