@_Shizzle: My friend David had his id stolen. I just call him Dav.
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@BucMarvin: It must be very traumatic for my wife to be at work knowing I'm home alone getting bread crumbs on the kitchen counter. Let's pray for her.
@dixie_lee_peas: Tattooes turn an average man into a man to look twice at. If i see ink i know he can handle pain....and that works for me, cause I'm a pain.
@juliussharpe: Roadside motels are a good place to stay if you haven't decided yet whether you want to kill someone or be killed.
@lilgapeach32: Who decided "have a happy period" was an okay thing to put on a tampon box? "Manslaughter is illegal" would've been more relevant.