@david8hughes: My friend got bitten by a snake and he fell to the floor and started writhing around. It's amazing how fast the super powers kick in.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@shariv67: People used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a standup comic. Well, no one's laughing now. Wait.
@Parkerlawyer: I just passed a beer truck on the highway. "Wait a minute. I'm named after beer?!!?" -My 6 yr old son, Miller
@iwearaonesie: wife *feels bad for feeding the kids chicken nuggets 3 times this week* kids: THIS IS THE BEST WEEK OF OUR LIVES!
@reallyshitpost: DOCTOR: I have bad news MAN WHO WOKE UP FROM 5 YR COMA: I don't mind as long as I get to see my favorite gorilla from the Cincinnati zoo