@Storminika: My friend just broke up with her man. I really helped her through the break up by letting her know he's no good in bed anyway.
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@hadafewbeers: Whenever someone says "I don't have a horse in that race" I respond with "You don't have a horse at all, Reggie. You have a cat & diabetes."
@jessokfine: [Sexting] "So, what are you wearing?" A nice blouse and a light sweater. Sensible shoes.
@samuelhlowe: Chasing a Pringles can down a slope is the closest I've ever been to hunting my own food.