@Storminika: My friend just broke up with her man. I really helped her through the break up by letting her know he's no good in bed anyway.
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@_sleepysmile: People always comment about how young I look. I just tell them it's because of all the placenta I've been eating.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Wake up 5-year-old: Me: We’re late 5: Me: The house is on fire 5: Me: Your sister touched your stuff 5: *barrel rolls out of bed*
@singwithTaffy: Please, by all means, call my landline. I'll reply with a postcard attached to a helium balloon