@_NTFG_: My friend left his laptap on the floor in my living room. My other friend thought it was a scale. Conclusion: She weighs $950.
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@MissNaughty1801: I feel that it's time to pick the kids up from school..so I'm going to lie down here for a while and wait for that feeling to pass
@ArfMeasures: ME [trying to convince her I care] I'm so angry the big bed cushions haven't arrived WIFE: Throw pillows M: I'm that angry Karen, I might do
@KeetPotato: [me and some other dude wearing the same shirt at a party] me: "how did we both fit in this lmao"
@Cpez38: *points w/ middle finger* "Sure, take this road for about another mile, pull over & go ask someone else" - Me giving directions.