@savvystrider: My friend Mark called me pretentious so I slapped him with my silk handkerchief.
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@GrowlyGrego: It's not an octopus. It's a water spider. And yes, so called "marine biologist", if you live in the ocean you swallow 8 of them every year.
@sumpeoplelikeit: Whoa there, pregnancy test. You just tell us yes or no and we'll decide if it's positive or negative.
@DanMentos: *runs into san francisco restaurant* THE KALE WASN'T LOCALLY SOURCED *sound of 100s of ubers smashing into each other outside restaurant*
@juliussharpe: How about instead of shaking hands we nod at each other and that way we both won't have to wash our hands?