@daemonic3: My friend said his dog retrieved a ball he threw over a mile away. I don't know, that seems pretty far fetched.
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@PoliUncorrect: Interviewer: we need someone experienced, this job will break you... Worm: (slowly breaks itself in two while maintaining eye contact)
@juliussharpe: I root against my college football team. That place put me $80,000 in debt. It'd be like rooting for the bank that holds your mortgage.
@badbanana: Between Man of Steel, This Is The End, and Pacific Rim, I've seen around 5 billion people die this summer. A personal best.