@marinarachael: My friend sent me a picture of her baby and I don't have a baby so I just sent her back a picture of a steak I cooked once.
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@MartaEffing: When I realized my boyfriend said we should 'break up' & not 'break dance', I was sad, but also relieved.
@noogscorner: Hendrix didn't need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
@jus4golf: When my wife and I married we both agreed we would never go to sleep angry. Neither of us has slept in 16 years.
@BrattyBarbie: Behind every successful man stands a surprised woman and behind her stands the surprised mother-in-law and behind her,your surprised Dad.