@ItalianBratikus: My friend thinks her husband is cheating on her. I don't have the heart to tell her he's just out chasing Pokemon.
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@TheCamelToe_: I swapped my wife's tampons with party poppers. Absolutely no sense of humour that girl..
@Brampersandon_: COWORKER: u got like 8 hickeys. Mustve been a fun weekend haha ME (remembering not to talk about octopus fight club): yea it got pretty wild
@Rachelnoise: After three beers in a bikini I quit holding in my stomach and just think of baby names to tell people.